Author: Randy Pearson

Driving Crazy – Reviews

Review from comedian and professional comedy producer/booker John Face:

Well I am not much of a reader. Last fall I purchased a book from author Randy Pearson and read a few chapters. Life got in my way until yesterday I picked up the book and started reading it again.

I can honestly tell you that I loved this book. Funny, well written and in just a few hours I was done. I connected with the characters. That alone tells me that it is a great read.

Five out of five stars Randy. Getting and keeping me to the end of your book is an accomplishment you can take pride in. Driving Crazy is a must read if you want a fun time mixed with excitement and tons of laughs.

Review from “Big Badge V” (center in the photo) the mastermind behind Bikers 4 Books:

At Leather for Libraries

Randy Pearson has written this hysterically funny book about a cross country trip across America with his right hand man to pick up a old school video game. Randy shares so many of their highs and lows along the way. There were times that I couldn’t believe their misfortune. I couldn’t help but to find parallels with Charlie Browns bad luck.
I loved Randy’s robust descriptions and colorful details. His usage of adjectives were masterfully done.
One of my favorite things about reading Michigan authors are there references to local landmarks. By Randy’s descriptions, I could visualize myself right with these two guys. He jogged so many memories from growing up in and around Lansing. I spent a lot of time at Pinball Petes, myself !!!
There is even a chapter about bikers !!!
Man O Man……let me tell you, if you are in the mood for a great, funny and light read, may I suggest Driving Crazy by Randy Pearson.

I’m also proud to announce that Randy and Bikers for Books got to work together at Leather for Libraries where we collected new books for MSU Pediatric Oncology and Pulmonary Clinics.

Big Badge V – Bikers for Books

Review in the UK magazine Retro Gamer:

Review in the UK magazine Retro Gamer

Ray Walsh • For the Lansing State Journal • May 2, 2010

“Driving Crazy” by Lansing author Randy D. Pearson (Riley Press, $12.99) is an unusual, entertaining debut by a talented writer.

Click here to read the entire Lansing State Journal review by Ray Walsh

Review from AtariAge member Cebus Capucinis:

I picked it up last night and started reading and stayed up until 2:30 AM to finish it. Once you start it you can’t put it down! Very good book!

This book is absolutely perfect for anyone who is a video game enthusiast. The main character, Jay, is not necessarily the “Everyman” in the sense that there is a conscious effort to make him appeal to every single reader of the book, but when you start reading through the adventure, you will almost immediately associate with him on so many levels. Having just gone on a somewhat wacky 2-day straight adventure about a month ago to get my arcade games, I couldn’t help but laugh when thinking about the scheme he and Austin, his best friend, come up with — and I guarantee you that everyone that reads this book that has any interest in arcade gaming or even video gaming will instantly think of a time when either you did something just as crazy or thought about doing something just as crazy.

At multiple times throughout the book I found myself laughing out loud — something that very few books manage to make me do. The very beginning is hilarious, and not to give too many details away, but quite a few of their pit-stops turn into some very rowdy and laugh-worthy adventures. The whole journey rides that perfect border line between “that’s just too crazy to believe” and “wow, this totally could have happened to someone”. You will be staring at the text wide-eyed in disbelief but at the same time wondering if the book is biographical in any sense. Of course after wondering for a couple seconds you’ll clearly want to keep going to see what happens next!

My favorite parts were the fruit department manager in the grocery store and the “Pork gout”. :thumbsup: This book is lighthearted, fun, and a very great read! There’s something for everyone in it. If you’re not just interested in laughs, the book does get a little deeper (but not so deep as to get lost in the themes) into the themes of our own lives: taking time to enjoy the world we’re in and not getting bogged down with our everyday lives. The book touches on what friendship truly means and what it really is to be Driving Crazy.

Pick up a copy! You seriously will not regret any of this book and you probably won’t be able to put it down, having to read it in one go like I did!

Amazon.com reviews (from the self-published eBook version):

5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome! December 30, 2014
By Julie Reed
I have read many works by Randy, this is by far my favorite. He is extremely talented and it shows in this book. Its entertaining from start to finish.

5.0 out of 5 stars Awesome Novel! October 5, 2011
By Carolyn
Driving Crazy is an awesome novel. This story would make an entertaining motion picture. Video gamers and non-enthusiasts alike will enjoy this modern odyssey, which provided hours of entertainment reminiscent of childhood days and Louis L’Amour…in that it is an action tale full of bumps, grinding halts and surprising twists and turns. Randy Pearson is a witty, entertaining writer. Hopefully he will share more tales.

5.0 out of 5 stars Outstanding Book! September 4, 2011
By Jaysmith2000
Fantastic book for any video game fan. Randy does a wonderful job keeping you entertained from start to finish. It brings back plenty of childhood memories for me. A truly enjoyable read that should be made into a movie!

5.0 out of 5 stars Video Game Enthusiast Must Read September 2, 2011
By Mr. L. D. Chapman
I thoroughly enjoyed this novel. If you are a video game enthusiast then this is a must read in my opinion. Good work Randy!

Driving Crazy Excerpt 2

Slug Bug

This is from pages 39-41

I had spent the last forty-five minutes staring out the passenger window at the constantly moving landscape, not really focusing on any of the sights as they flew by. Turning to look at Austin, I became a bit concerned at the droopiness of his eyelids. Fearing this as a possible harbinger of a bad situation, I uttered, “Are we there yet?”

When he barely responded, I knew I had to do something to jar him awake, so I quickly punched him in the arm. He looked at me with venom in his eyes. “Ow! What the hell?”

“Slug Bug.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I just saw a VW bug.”

“So?”

“If I see one, I get to punch you in the arm.”

Looking both angry and confused, he asked, “Why?”

“It’s a game.”

He continued to glare at me until an evil grin crept upon his face. “Okay fine. I’ll play along. The next time I see pavement, I’ll punch you in the face. Oh look, pavement.”

As he balled up his fist and cocked his arm back, I quickly yelped, “Okay, you win. No Slug Bug.”

“Uh-huh. That’s what I thought.”

Sighing, I returned my gaze to my window. Without looking over at him, I said, “Man, I’m bored. We gotta do something. We could do the license plate game.”

“Okay.” In one rapid motion, he slugged me in the arm. “I saw a plate.”

“Ow. That’s not how you play. We’re done with the punching.”

He whacked my arm one more time. “Now we’re done with the punching. And by the way, I’m alert now, so thanks.”

(C) 2015 by Randy D Pearson
All rights reserved

Driving Crazy Excerpt 1

“The MegaShop Stakeout”

This is from pages 157-161

Pacing up one aisle and down the next, I scanned the crowd laboriously for quite some time. Once I’d wandered through my whole section with no results, I opted instead to pick a location and hover. Perusing the fresh fruits and vegetables section, I feigned fascination in their selection of cucumbers, strawberries and broccoli. I’d pick up an item and do all sorts of freshness quality testing, or at least what I’d hoped would be construed as such. For any given item, I’d smell, thump or shake it, only to return it to, or in the general vicinity of, its original location. Though I did garner some peculiar glances while shaking broccoli near my ear and smelling sealed bags of salad, I think I managed to fool the majority of the shoppers.

I repeated these tasks for about an hour before attracting the attention of the produce manager, an overweight man with an enormous nose and puffy pink cheeks. Though I knew someone was hovering near me, I didn’t actually take notice until his nose’s elongated shadow fell over the oranges I simulated interest in. I spun around, orange in hand, as he said, “Can I help you with anything, sir?”

I looked the man up and down before responding. “No thanks. Just checking the freshness of these oranges. I’ve got it covered. Thanks, though.” I dismissed him with a backhanded wave, then tapped the orange with my knuckle and held it to my ear like a seashell.

My quality testing caused his brow to furrow. “You don’t thump oranges, sir. That’s for melons.”

“Yeah, well, this is how they do it in Australia. You telling me the Aussies are wrong here?”

“If what you say is true, then yes. Thumping an orange won’t tell you if it’s fresh.”

Though this amused me, I made a point of displaying a curmudgeonly countenance. “Okay then, why don’t you inform me, oh guru of groceries, how I’m supposed to tell if this orange is any good.”

Snatching it from my grasp, he held it equidistant between us. “You look at it, for one. There’s no bruising, except where you’ve been hitting it. Otherwise, it’s uniform in color. Also,” he added while holding it under his nose, “if it smells nice and juicy, it is a good orange.”

I seized it back from him, resting it under my own nose. “Well, I clearly don’t have your formidable tools, but I’ll give it a go.” The man’s eyes narrowed enough to confirm he got my huge honker joke. “I dunno, man. It smells bruised to me.”

“It doesn’t smell bruised! What does that even mean?”

“It means I’m not buying it.” Putting it back on the pile, I picked up another one, put it next to my ear and began shaking it. “Now this one, yes. This one sounds ripe.”

Clearly becoming agitated, the manager spouted, “Sounds ripe?! What are you talking about? You don’t shake oranges, either.”

I shook my head in mock disgust. “Oh, you poor, uneducated man. How ever did you get this job?”

Just as his face flushed an unhealthy shade of crimson, a loud crash emanated from a few aisles away. Off in the distance, I could clearly detect Austin’s voice, then a woman shouting an obscenity-laced tirade in a shrill, piercing tone. I flipped the orange in the air, causing ol’ big nose to lunge at it in a panic. “Well, this has been enlightening, for you, but I’ve gotta go.” Without awaiting a response, I dashed away from the agitated produce manager.

When I arrived at the commotion, I found Austin sprawled on the tiled floor, yelling up at a short, obese ogre of a woman. I quickly yanked him to his feet. “What’s going on here, buddy? This isn’t the woman, y’know.”

Oh, the glare he gave me could’ve melted ice… or steel, for that matter. “Good Lord, I hope not! I’d have to stop being your friend. No, this troll slammed into me, and now she’s screaming at me as if it’s my fault.”

She jabbed her meaty index finger at him. “You ran into me, you idiot! You came sprinting around the corner and plowed right into me. Good thing I’m sturdy, otherwise you would’ve knocked me over.”

“Oh, sturdy is not the word I’d use. I’d say you’re more…”

Raising my hand and putting it directly in front of my friend’s face, I quickly cut him off. No good could possibly come from the end of that sentence. “Dude, shush. Ma’am, sorry for the trouble. Are you okay?” Looking into her cart, I couldn’t help but add, “Did he damage your lifetime supply of Ding-Dongs?”

Her eyes threw daggers at me for a moment, but instead of replying, she pulled her cart away and began pushing it in the opposite direction. “You’re just lucky I’m a lady.”

“I’d say the lady you devoured wasn’t so lucky,” Austin retorted, “ya fat old…”

In a surprisingly quick motion, the woman spun around and hit Austin in the head with her massive purse. The blow propelled him into me, clunking our heads together in a Three Stooges kind of maneuver. While we bounced off the shelf and tumbled to the ground, she snorted and resumed shoving her cart away. A sizeable crowd had formed and several of them chuckled at our embarrassing scene. Austin touched the side of his head, and once he was convinced he hadn’t sustained any external injury, said loudly, “Okay folks, nothing to see here. Move along.”

I added, “The next show’s at three. Tip your waitress.” Then, I rubbed the side of my head. “Ow. Man, what was that all about?”

“Dude, I think I found your little thief when I plowed into that heifer. She might still be here, if we hurry. C’mon!” He pulled himself to his feet, helped me up, and we both dashed down the bread aisle. “Okay, I saw her here, with a cart. I think she was headed that way.” He pointed in the opposite direction.

We sprinted through several aisles until we came upon a short, auburn haired woman with her back to us, checking out a can of Campbell’s Chunky Chicken Corn Chowder soup. Dashing up to her, I dropped my hand heavily on her shoulder. “Aha! I caught you!”

Some woman I had never seen before turned around and whacked me in the shoulder with the can of soup. After dropping the now-dented can, she released a blood-curdling scream. My buddy and I bolted away from her at lightning speed.

It didn’t take long after that incident before the management caught up to us and politely informed us that we were hereby banned from all MegaShop grocery stores in the future. While they escorted us from the premises, I felt the need to have the last word. “Yeah, well, I’d never shop here again anyway. Your oranges are too bruisey! And don’t get me started on the state of your broccoli!”

(C) 2015 by Randy D Pearson
All rights reserved

Off Worlding Glossary

If you’re wondering how the author pronounces certain words in Off-Worlding, here ya go.

Amorphicine: Uh – morph – uh – scene

Hathiant: Hath – ee – int

Grumm: Like “rum” with a G in front

Prijatel: Pridge (rhymes with Fridge) – a – tell

Blueb: Pronounced like the first part of ‘blueberry’ – ya know, without the ‘erry’ bit.

Reynaul: Ray – nawl

DaQuay: Duh – kway

Baetoff: Bay – toff (like the first part of toffee)

SessRall: Cess (like the first part of cesspool) – rall (rhymes with ball)

Xela (Alex’s ‘space’ name): Zee-luh (kinda like Xena)

Off Worlding Excerpt 2

This is when we first meet Reynaul, the “crazed” Vex warlord.  

Reynaul lounged on his opulent throne in the war room of his flagship.  With all four of his eyes, he stared at a three-dimensional, real-time map of the galaxy that displayed all around him. Marveling in his conquests usually gave the leader of the Vex great joy. Today, however, seeing all the planets and systems he ruled over did little to raise his spirits. It had been months since his last major battle. His mighty armada destroyed the pathetic Zapt military fleet in mere days, taking control of the little planet and its meager resources. It was a stupid and disappointing endeavor, he thought. Their main industry is garment manufacturing. And we don’t even wear clothes.

He pondered for a moment, trying to recall how many systems he now held. The number didn’t immediately come to him, so he demanded the answer from his computer.

Seeing the list of the twenty-three planets who now bowed down to him caused a flash of a smile to form. It quickly faded. Boredom encased him like a shroud. A warrior without a battle is not a warrior.

Though he knew he needed several more months to fully replenish his fleet before taking on a significant new adversary, he still had plenty of armaments available. Now he just needed a target. Something small but challenging.

When he noticed a tiny, cigar-shaped, lime green ship on his map, flying through a section of his space, his mouth cracked into a huge, toothy grin.

——————–

Reynaul activated the ship-wide intercom. “DaQuay, here. Now.”

His first officer quickly reported to the war room, all four of his eyes wide open with trepidation. “Yes, Everything?”

Though Reynaul knew better than to project any joy to his underling, he loved the fact that all his people called him Everything. After all, he thought, I am their every thought, their every deed. I am everything to them. As it should be.

Using his lower right arm, he pointed at the small, lime-colored vessel hovering over a miniscule, science-based planet that he deemed too unimportant to conquer. “I want that ship.”

While DaQuay felt the urge to question why his leader wanted a tiny, insignificant space craft like that, he knew better. “Yes, Everything. We will lay in a course.”

“Good,” Reynaul replied. “Now go.”

Once his first officer vacated, he gestured toward the tiny ship. “You better be entertaining.”

———————

Watching as planet Bill shrank into the blackness of space, Alex asked, “So where are we going now?”

Hathiant checked his schedule. “Next on the itinerary is the Paperclip system, to pick up a team of botanists from the planet Table Leg.”

Alex smirked. “Really? The Paperclip system? A planet called Table Leg? Seriously?”

Hathiant inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. “How many times are we going to have to go over this? I don’t know what you’re hearing.”

“Right, right.” Alex stifled a chuckle. “Is Table Leg a nice place?”

“Not particularly,” replied Grumm. “Bit of a slag heap, honestly.”

“The majority of the planet has been at war for generations,” said Hathiant. “There are pockets of decency, where science and education still matter.”

“But mostly it’s just killing.” Grumm turned back to the controls. “I voted not to go there but I was overruled.”

Hathiant flashed yellowish green, but quickly stamped his anger down and resumed his lime green tone. “I know you have your reservations, but it’s important to assist scientists wherever we can. They can’t leave Table Leg without our assistance. And any ship without a powerful shield would be vaporized before landing.”

“Fine.” Grumm flashed chartreuse for a split second.

Alex tried to break the tension. “Ya know, fellas, I’ve been thinking about my name.”

This piqued Grumm’s interest. “Whatdya mean?”

“What about your name, Alex?” asked Hathiant.

“Well, I don’t feel like it’s … alien enough.”

“Excuse me?” Hathiant furrowed his brow.

“Alex Dandridge is just so … Earthly. It’s humdrum, boring. I need a cool space name. And I came up with one.”

Grumm turned away from the controls. “Oh? Do tell.”

As Alex opened his mouth, Hathiant pointed out the window at the series of specks at the edge of their vision. “Grumm, what is that?”

“Hmmm …” Grumm brought up the long-range sensors. The screen displayed eleven small dots and one giant one. He magnified the images. “Oh. Interesting.”

“What?” asked Alex.

Moving closer to the screen, Hathiant said calmly, “Looks like a Vex death fleet. And they appear to be heading right for us.”

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